Ever had something really good come your way and even though it may be something you’ve been dreaming about for some time, you freak out?
The anxiety hits like a smack in the face and suddenly you’re holding your burning hot post-slapped face and questioning if you deserve the good thing.
Are you actually ready for the good thing? Is the good thing really what you want? Suddenly you start self sabotaging. (Which I’ve written about before – Get Out of Your Own Way) and stalling.
Well, I recently had a serious case of Imposter Syndrome, the persistent fear of being exposed as a “fraud”. It’s a horrible feeling but for the most part I can talk myself round, this time however I became seriously freaked out!
You see, I’d had an idea for a book, very niche but I decided to approach a few indie publishers to see what, if any, interest there was.
Now, a lot of publishers won’t accept manuscripts or any unsolicited work and many won’t even speak to you if you don’t have an agent.
So, in typical Moxie fashion I just started emailing some literary agents and after a few back and forths with one agent, they asked to see the first 3 chapters of the book I’ve been working on (not the one I’d been shopping around) and based on this request, I freaked the fuck out!
Who the hell do I think I am? They’ll think it’s shit. Oh no. What have I done?
WHO THE HELL DO I THINK I AM? WHO AM I? WHAT AM I DOING? I’M NO WRITER. SHIT. FUCK. NO. NO. NOPE.
I got this email about a month ago and I’d been stalling ever since. Telling myself I needed to do one final polish before sending it off – lies. Telling myself I wasn’t ready – more lies. All I was doing was making excuses. And dammit, if anyone is going to stop me from achieving my goals it sure as shit shouldn’t be me!
So, I got out of my own way, put my insecurities about my work to one side and sent over the chapters. Now, part of this was down to me having a Wonder Woman Day, and part of it was a decision to take control. What’s the worst that could happen? This one publisher could shoot me down, big deal. Or they might give me some useful feedback or any other number of endless scenarios. At least I know that I tried and I’ll keep trying. Even if it is as my own pace.
No one is going to give you permission to try and achieve your goals, only you can do that. Give yourself permission to try and give yourself permission to fail and try again.
The Badass Manifesto