I wanted to take some time to talk about emotional independence and how important it is to your wellbeing. You are a Badass and Badasses are not emotionally dependent!
Do you find yourself seeking a sense of fulfillment from something or someone external to you? Do you feel you seek a sense of approval from others? Do you look to other people to make you happy?
Giving control to others over your own emotions lowers your self-esteem and stops you from growing as a person.
So, are you emotionally dependent?
- Do you feel that having a romantic partner will make you happy?
- If you have a partner, do you look to them for support, for reassurance, for validation?
- Are you upset if your partner doesn’t react in a certain way, doesn’t meet a need?
- When you’re alone, do you feel the need to fill the time with distraction? Are you always on your phone when you’re alone?
- Do you complain a lot about other people?
- Is your relationship the center of your universe? What about your relationship with friends or your kids?
- Do you get bothered if your partner/friend does something that doesn’t include you, or cuts out something that you’ve been doing together?
- Do you get jealous?
These questions can help you recognise your own emotional dependence and together we can work through it and kick it to the curb!
These approval seeking traits are learned early in life so without someone to point it out, these things often go unchecked and can ruin relationships. It can affect your self esteem and stunts your emotional growth.
“The greatest thing in the world is to know how to belong to oneself.” ~ Michel de Montaigne
It’s perfectly normal to look to our partners, families and friends for love and support but it’s unhealthy to rely on them too much. How can you be confident and self assured when other people’s opinions are of paramount importance? You need to be confident in yourself. It’s time to take a stand.
Here are some tips to help you gain more emotional independence.
- Don’t fear being alone – Learn to like spending time on your own. Loneliness and being alone are two different things. Make the time you spend on your own positive. Do activities you enjoy.
- Find out who you are!
- Sit by yourself, without distraction, for a few minutes each day. Notice your thoughts as they come up. Get to know your mind.
- If you find yourself complaining, find a way to be grateful instead
- If you find yourself being needy, find a way to give.
- If you find yourself wanting someone to help you, find a way to help yourself.
- Don’t push people away – OK, you recognise you have something to work on and in general people tend to try and quit it cold turkey style. What they eventually end up doing is replacing one source of emotional dependence with another. For example, if you were emotionally dependent on alcohol, you might push it away forcefully, and end up feeling empty which you will then till to fill up through a relationship, sex or some form of entertainment.
Overcoming emotional dependence is not about finding fault with yourself but is more about using it as a guidance to find out what lies on the other side of the fear or the insecurity that is causing the dependence. You can overcome all forms of emotional dependence when you find comfort and strength in your own being.
You got this!